Boomers Your Parents are Scared…
Does any Boomer Truly Know What Old Age Is?
Boomers Your Parents are Scared of the future? I Have no idea what it’s like to be truly old,! When death and uncertainty lurk at the edge of every moment?
When daily you get news of a friend or relative that has died, when another friend is admitted to a hospital, knowing that it’s unlikely they will come out. I have no clue what that feels like!!
I and my tribe of Boomers can be an arrogant, pushy lot, we think we know it all, that we have life all worked out. We are fools a lot of the time. Your parents’ members of the ‘Silent Generation’ has much to offer. I don’t think there will ever be another generation quite like them.
Boomers Your Parents are Scared…
Yes they are Strong People
Your parents are typically disciplined, they scrimp and save, they are traditionally religious, they have silver cutlery and use butter knives. This generation sits at the table for meals, never spend more than they need, eat leftovers and help the poor.
They recycle and collect things, they write letters and thank you notes, they are well mannered and often have a good sense of humour.
They are humble and always want to learn, they keep their heads down and don’t complain.
And they are extraordinary, as illustrated here.
On 16 October 2011, British national Fauja Singh became the first 100-year-old to complete a marathon by running the Toronto Waterfront Marathon in Canada
They remember the second world war and what life was like, how people struggled and how urgent life was. You and I have no clue about this, none. It is impossible for us to even imagine it. They have fought in the trenches and watched their young friends die or worse.
A horror that even our most vivid imagination can’t get a handle on.
Boomers Your Parents are Scared..
I am trying to say is that it’s not easy to understand our parents and it is certainly almost impossible to know how they feel each day. As every day for them is a gift and perhaps that’s how we should view our days too.
Boomers Your Parents are Scared.
They Face a New Hurdle almost Daily
Every day for them brings some new hurdle. It might be a fading memory, aching bones, the bunions that hurt so much so that the thought of walking is a definite NO!
It might be that their eyesight is fading and the thought of not being able to drive is frightening!!!
Nobody wants to be a burden and nobody wants to be told what to do..
We are all the same regardless of age.
Boomers Your Parents Are Scared.
Of not Feeling Useful
We all of us want to feel useful, someone who matters, someone who is referred to for a reason. I think it is this aspect that we as a society should concentrate on. Universally we need to find a way, where even the most senior individuals in a society are still contributing in some form.
Since Maggie Smith lost her husband, Ms. Smith has focused on her career with a renewed vigour, finding that keeping busy provides her with a way to handle the single life.
She notes, “It’s awful, but what do you do? You are alone much more. A day that is absolutely crowded keeps your mind away from why you are alone, but when it stops, that is the deafening silence.”
Boomers Your Parents are Scared.
They are Still Your Seniors don’t Infantile them
I think it’s time to stop telling our parents what to do and how to behave and stop nagging and imposing our views of what’s right and wrong!!
Do we have any idea how we will feel at 85 or 90years old?
I am very sure that when I am 90 my views will have changed, and I will feel that I know best!! and I will hate it if my children start telling me what to do and how to behave and try to curb my lifestyle!!
I will probably behave like a teenager and throw a tantrum but with lots of alcohol.
So why do we do it? we always think we know better…!!! really?
Does it make us feel better that we have given our advice, therefore, we have done our best? I guess that’s why we do it.
In reality, what is happening is that the parent is getting majorly pissed off and will more than likely not tell you when they really do need help…
My Mother was poorly first, which was strange as she had always been so strong. Dad found this hard, their marriage and love for each other was that of Fairy Stories.
When she passed Dad was completely lost, he had lost his best friend, the love of his life, the reason for his life. He was alone, alone and confused, angry, upset, isolated, the world made no sense, what had it all been for?
Boomers Yours Parents are Scared…
These are heavy questions, particularly from a person who was so structured, so disciplined…seen and done so much, selflessly, with humility.
He is aware that he is always the parent and must at all costs
‘show a brave front and face death courageously for his children’s sake’.
He cannot show fear as he has me to consider…what incredible people our parents are.
You and I ‘The Boomers’ we may have been asking these questions since Woodstock!!
But have we really or is it an excuse to write some new song and pretend we are being deep, investigate a new religion, join an order, give up meat, go to the shrink.
So When I hear phrases like “Mummy you are quite wrong about that” or “Dad don’t do it that way” or “Do you think you should be doing that?”,or “Mum you are too old to do that”, “Should you be driving into Town?”, etc etc..
Don’t make your parents feel unwanted or in the way, they are super sensitive. When you invite your parents make sure all family members they are promised are present. `Don’t invite your Mum to spend the Christmas holidays with you if your bathroom is out of reach without help. It’s embarrassing for her, she doesn’t want to ask for help.
Can you imagine for one moment how you would feel, me I would order a taxi and go home pronto. However, I am sure your ‘Generation Silent’ will suck it up and pretend all is fine. However, your mother is frantic and you are completely unaware…
Because your parents are in your mind old, that doesn’t mean they are stupid or insensitive, that they don’t want to have fun too. They are scared shitless most days and have no clue how to do old age.
It’s their first time too and it’s scary!!
Just because your parents’ body is ageing, memory fading, hearing more selective remember there is a vibrant being inside. Probably dying to let rip with a sharp ‘Fuck Off’.
However, your Great G is well disciplined and well mannered so will smile sweetly and ignore what you have said.
There is no book on getting old that makes any sense! We too are learning about ageing for the first time through our parents.
We are all going in blind and hoping for the best!!
This was written whilst caring for an elderly person and the journey prompted the writing of the book ‘Any Age Gap Year – The Complete Guide to ‘Live in Care’ in the UK, you can find more details here https://www.mysixtypluslife.com/any-age-gap-year-the-complete-guide-to-becoming-a-live-in-care-in-the-uk/